You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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