you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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