Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
