They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
