u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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