I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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