I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
