upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
