If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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