I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
