Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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