Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
