did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
