My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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