Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
