also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
