3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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