No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
