That's intense
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My cat gives me a boner
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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