If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize