i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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