last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
