none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
