And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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