Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
