Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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