There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my being single is dangerous.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
