we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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