I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
