come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
