im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She announced her abortion via fbk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
