Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
