Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
