if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize