i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You left your phone here
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