New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
