i was born a porn star she said
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
