I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
