he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
