If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
