It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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