I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
