who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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