I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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