I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
