I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize