my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
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