i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
