is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
