He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
