I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
