So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
