and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
