idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
