3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We named our party play list daddy issues
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
