Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
