dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
