Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
