I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
