i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
