I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
