In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
