Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
