omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were destined to go to rehab together
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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