Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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