Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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