that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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