I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
